Grrl Power #1401 – Gateway to space madness
Oh, you wanted examples of gravity slasher movies?
Shear, rated Glip-Glorp 5 for overabundant teenage necking, sexual situations and violence.
Crush, rated Glip-Glorp 7 for inveterate exposure of secondary sexual organs, profanity, sexual situations, and violence.
The Spagettifier. The granddaddy of the genre, rated Glip-Glorp 9 for unrelenting nudity, shower scenes, girl aliens of one species making out with girl aliens of another species (and not the species you’d think), sexual situations, profanity, gore, sexual situations involving gore… like, two piles of gore make out, violence, blasphemy, and questionable financial advice. It’s a classic.
Event Horizon is the consummate “Hyperspace is/Wormholes lead to hell,” but of course there’s also Doom, Half-Life… which isn’t hell, but those portals still lead to a dimension full of jerks. Obviously Warhammer 40K. I don’t know how it works in Warhammer Zero K. I’m going to assume that wizards using teleport spells have a 5% chance of bringing demons along with them. I actually don’t know anything about Warhammer Fantasy. I assume they’re connected, like, the dark elves in WhF worship Slaanesh or Tzeentch instead of Lolth. I could google it, but if I don’t then it allows someone break out their esoteric Warhammer knowledge and a soapbox.
Then there’s edge cases like the Natural Selection asymmetrical multiplayer mod for Half-Life. It’s less “warpdrive is the devil” and more “deep space has mysterious fungus.” I think. Or maybe there is some sort of hyperdrive that attracts evil extra dimensional spores like a bug zapper minus the zapper. I’m not sure. I played it 2 or 3 times.
Oh, and I guess The Expanse, where defeating distance attracts evil shadow Pacmen. Spoilers. Look, if you haven’t watched The Expanse, it’s baaaasically the best Sci-Fi thing out there. I think it just edges out Stargate SG-1 and DS9, which are my other tippy-top faves.
Oh, I just thought of another one, From Beyond. One of Jeffery Combs’s earlier movies. Just after Reanimator, I think. Anyway, From Beyond is based on an H.P. Lovecraft book, and on that note, I suppose any movies with summoning circles, whether they’re drawn in lamb’s blood or are created by a bunch of janky electronics are all in the same… over-genre. Of course, the whole point of summoning pentagrams is collect calls to hell, so that doesn’t count in the whole “Who could have foreseen this outcome” category.
Ooh, look! A new vote incentive! And it’s updated with color!
Well, in progress, obviously. I have another one that’s actually a bit further along, but everyone was all, “Sydney Kobold vote incentive!” So I switched to this one. Plus the other one was a multi-character picture so it will actually take me longer to finish. I hope to have an update for this one each week, so stay tuned. There is a slightly higher res version on Patreon.
By the way, this gunmetal blue-ish background and teal pencils are how I draw the comic. I set it up this way so I don’t have to spend all day staring into a bright white blank page.
Double res version will be posted over at Patreon. Feel free to contribute as much as you like.
Now we have to ask why someone *wouldn’t* keep to the safe path and risk gravitation annhiliation. Maybe it’s faster or you can use the extreme conditions to otherwise shake pursuit.
Gravity is an acceleration, so if you can take the enhanced gravity, you could spend less time. I’m not a real astrophysicist, nor did I stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night. But I would assume that since the calculations are involving Distance and Time, and Time is pretty much T_sub_f = T_sub_I, that you’d increase your distance traveled by doing so.
I think the primary answer is “people who didn’t notice their navigation and/or propulsion systems are malfunctioning before they went in.” No doubt that sort of silent failure is extremely rare in a properly maintained ship, but sometimes you just win the disaster lottery, and sometimes you’re in a ship with an owner who tries to save money by skimping on maintenance.
The path is relative to the movement of celestial bodies, disrupted by microgravities (some caused by other travelers, some by other wormholes, some by passing too close to black holes). Get one number wrong out of millions and you just might end up arriving in three places at once, and probably in the past, present AND future… And likely very much dead in most or all of them
Hypothetically as far as I understand the modern science, a Wormhole is very nearly a black hole that is just barely kept from collapsing through means we do not yet have (negative mass could do it, for example).
Which means that the edges of the wormhole tunnel would be the point where the negative mass is no longer sufficient in not exposing you to the full gravitational force of the black hole-like mass at that distance with a very sharp cutoff, meaning only part of your ship would suddenly be compressed with a huge amount of force while the rest of it is pulled along by the physical connection to the part of your ship being shredded by the extreme gravity.
Either way it is extremely unlikely you or your ship survives the absurd amount of force it is subjected to should it touch the edges of the wormhole tunnel while in transit.
Maybe they’re trying to cut corners (literally) and do the Kessel run in 12 parsecs.
so are you telling me there is no “Event Horizon” in the near future?
/sad 40k noises
There certainly is. If you listen to the “All Guardsman Party” Saga, you will encounter a ship that is missing its front end, called “The Occurrence Border” – “Occurrence” = “Event” – “Border” = “Horizon” And both ships are missing their front end? Coincidence? I Think NOT!
If you are going to include “From Beyond” there no reason to leave out “Rock and Rule”
You really need to distinguish true wormholes (normal space in an unusual shape, contains normal space things plus possibly weird gravitational fields) from hyperspace (alien to our universe, may have entirely different physics, could contain literally anything). Sometimes people say “wormholes” when what they mean is more hyperspace, confusing the issue, but the fundamental rules are very different.
Hear! Hear!
This distinction is truly important even if it is all the the realm of SF.
Interestingly, wormholes are possible within known physics – they require an exotic (negative mass – not existing as far as we can tell) type of matter to be stable though. There are many solid publications on wormholes including consequences of time travel through one. For instance, one can show that time travel breaks determinism: the same initial conditions can lead to multiple outcomes even under classical mechanics.
Although you do not need time travel to break determinism even in Newtonian mechanics – see Norton’s dome or earlier work by Bhat and Bernstein.
P.S. Yes, physics is to me what propane is to Hank Hill.
I see Daphne has found the best seat in the room.
I mean, can you blame her? If you’re into the large hulky alien man who is definately amenable to fun times, then why would you not?
No mention of Niven’s hyperspace, which leads some to madness from “the blind spot?”
Yeah, that was my initial thought, as well
Or the Alderson Drive, which is not, strictly, a faster-than-light drive: it can more nearly be likened to a device able to use a form of wormhole, whose entry and exit ‘Alderson points’ are at the ends of an ‘Alderson tramline’. Alderson points are difficult to find. Alderson tramlines form between points of equipotential thermonuclear flux located near stars. Not all star pairs form Alderson tramlines, and not all those tramlines which do form are large enough to take a spaceship. This means that in order to travel between star systems, it is frequently necessary to carry out a series of Alderson jumps interspersed with periods of travel in normal space between them. Alderson tramlines, when they form, form instantaneously, and travel between them appears to take no elapsed time. However, sentient beings who travel by Alderson drive experience “jump shock”, a temporary period of extreme disorientation immediately following a jump between Alderson points. Computers are affected for an even longer period of time, making it difficult to automate spacecraft after a jump. Spacecraft are thus vulnerable to attack until their occupants recover from jump shock.
Seems especially ironic that Sydney would be asking, seeing as SHE travels via Etherium Causeway, and if *anything* is like the SF-horror depiction of interstellar travel, it’s that.
Yay, love for the Expanse! Even if it is only from DaveB and literally no one else. Great show, wish it wasn’t so underrated/watched. I’d say more but it’s hard to without major spoilers. The little that was said though, I consider minor and just misleading enough to not really spoil anything really.
Oh, I have another source of madness caused by transportation. Shards of Earth, I’ve only read the first book so far but it’s a fun space opera I’d recommend to people 13+. Though as an uncle with a 14 year old niece that loves to read but is easily scared and a 13 year old nephew that isn’t easily scared… I should say that the PG part should be considered. Some parents may be more ok with this story than others. If you’d watch the third prequel of star wars with them though, then you’re good.
I read the books before starting to watch the show and the show was… weird. I couldn’t get past the second season before all of the changes – and not small ones, either – finally reached the “I can’t watch this any more” point
So more Stargate with their… star gates.
I’ve seen reference to Lovecraft references in my quick scan of comments. Has Eternal Darkness for Gamecube been mentioned? Because that game screamed Lovecraft and insanity to me. Also has anyone mentioned Spaceballs going to plaid? I only read like half the comments and am close to sleeping, but this page and some of the comments made me think of these things.
Ludicrous Speed in Space Balls, unless the cartoon added more.
Oh, and there were aliens in “The Tick” who had a Lint Drive, because lint travels even faster than light…
While it was called “Ludicrous Speed” (not named after the rapper slash actor :P ), it created a plaid-patterned tunnel, and (forgot John Candy’s characters name) said they went to Plaid when it went past Lone Star’s hyperactive mode
Also Infinite Improbability Drive from Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy or the later Bistromathic Drive from the same source. As a variation of using wormholes, teraport from Schlock Mercenary is worth mentioning at least for the interesting imagery of the transported object being ripped into billions of small pieces and transported through nanoscopic wormholes like – to quote – “pushing cooked spaghetti through a colander”.
Here’s something creepy for you. Whale shaped shadows in the hyperspace stream.
Obligatory note that “Event Horizon” was a rip-off of a movie from a few years earlier called “The Dark Side of the Moon” which was both better and worse. The plot was better in TDSotM, but the dialogue and acting were a bit better in EH. EH had better effects, but TDSotM was more realistic. At least as far as I remember. I haven’t seen either one in 20 years. Basically, EH only competes thank to a vastly larger budget.
Also, TDSotM has a sexy computer. Not a robot, a computer.
So, I know this is a bit of a nitpick… but how come Sydney didn’t ask this the LAST time she was on an intergalactic roadtrip with Cora?
She was a little distracted (Sydney? Distracted? Inconceivable!), first by Frix, then the aftermath of the Grakz she ate.
Likely because last time Cora was taking her home, which excuses a number of sins.
And Sydney was distracted by Frix. And the aftereffects of grakz.
Last time they didn’t go through a wormhole. This is the first wormhole this trip, and they’ve already traveled from Earth to Fracture Station.
I like the irony that the character scoffing at hyperspace being hell has red skin and horns.
You can’t convince me Event Horizon isn’t a prequel for Warhammer 40k.
It’s just too…perfect.
Sydney: “So how unsafe is the edges?”
Altus: “Are you familiar with the term, ‘spagettification’?”
Sydney: “You mean like near the end of the Loki series? COOL! I kind of want to see that… I mean no close enough to have it happen to me, but you know… observable! And I want to video it for TikTok!”
Altus (Looks at Cora): “How is it humans all seem to know ABOUT every advanced astrophysics concept I can think of, but not the practical realistic aspects of it? Or they have batshit crazy ideas about how it works?”
Cora: “Heck if I know. They have a robust and vibrant science fiction entertainment industry, but rather than actually develop the ideas their best scientists have been playing with the math on, their leaders spend their money on 40 million dollar golf trips or some such…”
Maxima: “Careful… we don’t need politics in this mess. There’s enough of that depressing shit back home. You’re skirting the edge.”
Sydney: “Seconded!”
So to get out the soapbox and my reasonably reliable Warhammer Fantasy Lore…
Dark Elves dont worship Chaos, they worship Khaine, the Elven God of War, Murder, Blood and partially Fire (there are like 3 fire gods). The exception to this is *some* of the Khainite priesthood are also worshippers of Slaanesh, the God/dess of Excess, which is actually hedonism in all forms but because everyone is Horny all the time its only ever depicted as monsterfucker bait.
Teleportation in WH-F is actually way safer. Most Teleportations spells are not connected to the realm of chaos, which is explictly weird and not the same as in 40k. the two settings arent actually connected for certain. But theres easter eggs. They used to be but the company wanted to make it more seriously distinct and is now stuck with a bunch of holdovers and really dated lore they are completely unable to please everyone with (see the massive debacle on if Female Space Marines should be allowed)
However, you can get around by going into the realm of Chaos, which involves going to one of a few select points or just going waaaaaay north, entering a portal/crossing the sundered bit of reality, and thenexiting again a few metres to the left or right. It is completely unreliable and suicidally dangerous. Even the big boss of all Chaos tried it once and it got a bunch of his men mutated, him an eternal headache, and the girl he liked that was also basically his last connection to normal humanity got mutated specifically to be normal except she doesnt have a mouth. Like that scene in the Matrix, but permanent. She was very, very distressed. *These were actual Chaos Followers, not normal people*.
Chaos is a losers game and anyone who thinks they can game the system is deluded.
Most teleportation spells seem to be based on the Lore of Shadow Magic, which seems to basically operate like a wormhole that can be opened at specific points.
The Crazy Rat People however figured out how to make their own Wormholes by injecting magic space crack cocaine into themselves then channeling lightning through more magic space crack cocaine into machinery. This is how all of their technology works. It is not reliable in the slightest, but 90% casualties is acceptable for Ratmen as long as they win.
Finally, Some races cant teleport, but do have basically backdoor access to the roots of the world tree, and that shit is crazy, but both the tree people and the evil goatmen want to kill you for being anywhere near them.
A thought occurs to me, one I suspect is not whole original but still bares mentioning since this page provoked it:
I wonder what a sci-fi setting made to be consumed by members of a sufficently advanced civilization to count as a sci-fi setting would look like. The degree if separation needed to conceive if such a thing would… require a lot of leaps in logic and assumes what we understand in baseline physics doesn’t change in 5000 years or whatever…
In Warhammer Fantasy all magic comes from caos. The wizard has to purify the corrent of wild magic to use the spells and obviously something can go wrong and caos is always waiting to spread corruption.
At about being conected, they have been conected and disconected a couple times.
You forgot Disney’s Black Hole – if you thread it correctly you use it as a wormhole if you mess up you get sent to robot hell https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/$s_!W9F5!,f_auto,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2Fe112d625-29db-4324-9444-0a92ff63afda_1280x720.jpeg