Fogo de Chão is my go-to for fancy restaurants. Birthdays, wanting to suffer from a delicious meat coma, other reasons… I’m sure there are some. It’s not really a Valentines Day place. Because the meat comas aren’t conducive to post-V-Day activities. Sure, you can go to other “fancier” steak places and spend $60 on an 8-ounce steak, or you can do churrascaria and get all you can eat amazing steak. The math works for me. It used to be my favorite thing to get there was the house special, Picanha, which is the “prime part of the top sirloin,” and don’t get me wrong, it’s a fantastic piece of meat, but over time, I migrated to the bottom sirloin. It’s like… a looser… weave? I like it. Go eat some.

There’s something wrong with that couch if flopping on one side of it makes you pop up all the way around the L-bend. Maybe it’s a single-piece inflatable couch. Oh! Maybe it’s a water-couch.

You know, if you had a machine that could just make quantumly-perfect meat, like, say you Star Trek style transported a cow, and kept it in the pattern buffer… I mean, kept a copy in the pattern buffer, then every once in a while, you energize just the ribeye part… it’d be perfectly ethical meat, right? It’d be just tissue.  But beyond that, if could just make meat, I guess you’d have a library of pattern buffer meats you could print – why couldn’t you make other food? I don’t mean like, celery, I mean, couldn’t you invent food? Like, categories of food. Not meat or cheese or vegetables. Like cheese combined with… celery. NO! BAD IDEA! That would be absolutely… like… string cheese. Huh.

I know, food is just proteins and starches and sugars and all that, but surely you could make some food that’s like part ham and part avocado. Oh, geeze, that would be an upsetting texture. No, not some combo of two other foods, like a totally new kind of food. It would probably be hard to do, since most stuff you’d come up with would be either nutritionally inert or poisonous.

(The Cuisine Forge 5000 didn’t create meat from a pattern buffer, it transported meat… from sources. At random… It just worked at such an extreme range (measured in thousands of light years) that no on realized it for several years.)

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Ah! I thought I had more time till March. I’m bad at looking at dates apparently.

Here is Gaxgy’s painting Maxima promised him. Weird how he draws almost exactly like me.

I did try and do an oil painting version of this, by actually re-painting over the whole thing with brush-strokey brushes, but what I figured out is that most brushy oil paintings are kind of low detail. Sure, a skilled painter like Bob Ross or whoever can dab a brush down a canvas and make a great looking tree or a shed with shingles, but in trying to preserve the detail of my picture (eyelashes, reflections, etc) was that I had to keep making the brush smaller and smaller, and the end result was that honestly, it didn’t really look all that oil-painted. I’ll post that version over at Patreon, just for fun, but I kind of quit on it after getting mostly done with re-painting Max.

Patreon has a no-dragon-bikini version of of the picture as well, naturally.

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Double res version will be posted over at Patreon. Feel free to contribute as much as you like.