Grrl Power #346 – Naming wrongs
I wanted to show Sydney’s immediate reaction once she got past the foaming stage, but the way the dialog flowed we’ll have to wait to the next page to see that. (I am amused by the idea that she has a foaming stage that she regularly exhibits.) Obviously Sydney is easily distracted, but that’s not news to anyone by now.
Shrapnell is a real last name, as is Slaughter, Vetura, Blitzer, Ironside, Savage, Hazard, Fightmaster (not a joke, that’s a real last name) and a host of others that make you think the person missed their calling as a professional wrestler, or if they’re a character in a movie, you just want to roll your eyes. I’ve ranted about super heroes and villains with names that serendipitously match their powers, Telford Porter being just about the worst offender, but obviously Sydney feels differently about it. In fact she’s obviously downright offended when the stars don’t align on the naming front. Even living in a world with actual super powers, the vast majority of people with cool names aren’t going to have powers, so she’d better get used to it.
I encourage people to share the coolest or craziest names you’ve come across, including people who you’d marry just for their last name and then name your kid something rad. (Or lawsuit inducingly awful.) My wife’s last name, for instance, was Warr. If she’d had a daughter she should have named her Cybil.
Here’s the link to the new comments highlighter for chrome, and the GitHub link which you can use to install on FireFox via Greasemonkey.
Well she asked about MIRV. A kids name that’s somewhat close to MIRV in. Isn’t that bad.
But anywho:
Moxey Crimefighter [https://content.time.com/time/specials/packages/article/0,28804,2070329_2070340_2070331,00.html]
Metallica Tomoro
[https://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/entertainment/6525475.stm]
https://www.cracked.com/article_14982_the-9-manliest-names-in-world.html [List of manliest names. My favorite ones:
– Powers Boothe
– Magnus Ver Magnusson
– Staff Sgt. Max Fightmaster
_________________
My last name is Fortune so I can do some really bad puns but otherwise I can’t really think of anything
I’d name your son Miz :D and your daughter Tellia. Some people have all of the pun luck.
I had an orthodontist named Dr. Bonebreak. And a phlebotomist named Dr. Payne. Also my niece’s full name means Dark-Haired Siren. Lorelei Corbin.
Oh, and my own last name is Shipp, which gives me some hilarious options for pets. Since I don’t want kids. Star, Sincan, Shaype, Mother, Abandon…
Yeah, now I want a dog named Abandon Shipp.
Wouldn’t abandon ship be better for a pet rat? XD
Can you imagine a child named Abandon Shipp who eventually grows up & enters the shipping industry?
Or the navy?
I know of a brain surgeon whose last name is Hacker.
Strangely appropriate name is…strangely appropriate.
One of the passengers on the Titanic was named Archibald Butt. He was a Major. Major Butt.
A local business once had a customer whose last name was Shitty (pronounced Chitty, apparently).
I also know of a woman whose maiden name was Chugg. Then she got married…and it became Belch.
The other fun thing to do with names is think of wedding announcements. “Sunday: Chugg-Belch wedding” “Fingur-Blaast”, “Swallows-Siemens” etc.
Yeah, Leno used to have a bit in headlines where he’d do weddings once a week. Here’s some highlights:
The Drilling-Cousins wedding
The Party-Moore wedding
The Moore-Bacon wedding
The Little-Gay wedding
The Annis-Bighter wedding
The Beaver-Aiken wedding
The Best-Lay wedding
The Burns-Butts wedding
The Busch-Graber wedding
The Busch-Rash wedding
The Crapp-Beer wedding
The Flynt-Stone wedding
The Fun-Kee wedding
The Gowen-Geter wedding
The Hardee-Harr wedding
The Johnson-Wacker wedding
The Long-Wiwi wedding
The Looney-Warde wedding
The Makin-Peoples wedding
The Peters-Rising wedding
The Poore-Sapp wedding
The Sawyer-Heiney wedding
The Stolen-Ford wedding
The Wang-Holder wedding
The Pullen-Wood wedding
The Fears-Johnson wedding
And the Whyde-Hole wedding
I always liked the Bender-Over wedding. :-)
I once interviewed with a Keith Dragon, who had a consulting business. I would never have answered the phone properly, so it’s just as well I didn’t get the job. “DRAGON Consulting, do you have a fire breathing problem?”
One of my neighbors when I was growing up was Mr. & Mrs. Barr. With their two daughters, Cheryl and Candy.
Candy Barr.
For the record, she is neither a stripper, nor a hooker, nor a porn star, nor any other kind of sex worker. I think (AFAIK) she works in a vet office.
I had a teacher who at first had a name like any other… Then, she got married and became “Mrs. Savage.” All I could think at the time was “Wow. A name to match her reputation…”
I don’t think I’ve encountered many cool names, but I definitely remember the most unfortunate name I’ve ever seen… Dr. Brad Raper. And yes, that last name is pronounced exactly the way you’d expect. :/ I mean, seriously…who would want to go to see a Dr. Raper? I think it’s just fortunate that he didn’t choose to become an OB/GYN.
I’ve always been partial to the idea of a mr Kent naming his son Clark, or a Doe making kids John/Jane
I think the latrine is named after the inventor, so a descendent starting in the military would be a ‘Private Latrine’
The plumber that made early mass produced flush toilets was named “Crapper”. His descendent would be a ‘Major Crapper’.
Contrary to widespread misconceptions, Thomas Crapper did not invent the flush toilet. He did, however, do much to increase the popularity of the toilet, and developed some important related inventions, such as the ballcock. He was noted for the quality of his products and received several royal warrants.
Look up the wikipedia Personal Life section of Bill_Lear (the manufacturer of the Lear Jet) and how he named his daughter Shanda.
She’s noteworthy for the simple behavior of “just hanging around.”
;)
And lighting up the whole room.
Well that guy is my hero now.
You look very familiar… I think we’re in the same meetup group, we just haven’t been in a while…
And now for something completely different. Interesting people who started with other names.
Alan Alda (Alphonso D’Abruzzo)
Woody Allen (Allen Konigsberg)
Lauren Bacall (Betty Joan Perske)
Jon Bon Jovi (John Francis Bongiovi)
Bono (Paul David Hewson)
George Burns (Nathan Birnbaum)
Chubby Checker (Ernest Evans)
Elvis Costello (Declan Patrick McManus)
50 Cent (Curtis Jackson)
Whoopi Goldberg (Caryn Johnson)
Hulk Hogan (Terry Gene Bollea)
Ben Kingsley (Krishna Bhanji)
Ralph Lauren (Ralph Lifshitz)
Ludacris (Chris Bridges)
Marilyn Manson (Brian Warner)
Marilyn Monroe (Norma Jean Mortensen)
Meat Loaf (Marvin Lee Aday)
Demi Moore (Demetria Gene Guynes)
Mother Teresa (Agnes Gonxha Bojaxhiu)
Albert Brooks (Albert Einstein)
Meg Ryan (Margaret Mary Emily Anne Hyra)
Natalie Wood (Natalia Nikolaevna Zakharenko)
Joaquin Phoenix (Joaquin Rafael Bottom)
Chevy Chase (Cornelius Crane Chase) … and you’re not.
Tina Fey (Elizabeth Stamatina Fey)
Michael Caine (Maurice Micklewhite)
Larry King (Lawrence Harvey Zeigler)
George Michael (Georgios Panayiotou)
Rock Hudson (Leroy Harold Scherer, Jr.)
Kirk Douglas (Issur Danielovitch Demsky)
Audrey Hepburn (Edda Kathleen van Heemstra Hepburn-Ruston)
Judy Garland (Frances Gumm)
Dido (Florian Cloud de Bounevialle Armstrong)
Martin Sheen (Ramon Antonio Gerard Estevez)
Bruno Mars (Peter Gene Hernandez)
Gene Simmons (Chaim Witz)
Helen Mirren (Ilyena Lydia Vasilievna Mironov)
Shania Twain (Eileen Regina Edwards)
Stevie Wonder (Steveland Judkins)
Dezi Arnas (Desiderio Albert Arnaz y De Acha III)
Harry Houdini (Ehrich Weiss)
Groucho Marx (Julius)
Harpo Marx (Adolph)
Chico Marx (Leonard)
Gummo Marx (Milton)
Zeppo Marx (Herbert)
Just a few more:
The Edge (David Howell Evans)
Sting (Gordon Matthew Thomas Sumner)
Johnny Rotten (John Joseph Lydon)
Sid Vicious (John Simon Ritchie)
Billy Idol (William Michael Albert Broad)
Alice Cooper (Vincent Damon Furnier)
MC Hammer (Stanley Kirk Burrell)
Vanilla Ice (Robert Matthew Van Winkle)
Tia Carrere (Althea Rae Janairo)
Dirk Benedict (Dirk Niewoehner)
Slim Pickens (Louis Burton Lindley, Jr.)
Telly Savalas (Aristotelis Savalas)
Bob Hope (Leslie Townes Hope)
Charles Bronson (Charles Dennis Buchinsky)
Ernest Borgnine (Ermes Effron Borgnino)
Mel Brooks (Melvin James Kaminsky)
Gene Wilder (Jerome Silberman)
Sigourney Weaver (Susan Alexandra Weaver)
Sid James (Solomon Joel Cohen)
Barbara Windsor (Barbara Ann Deeks)
Herbert Lom (Herbert Charles Angelo Kuchačevič ze Schluderpacheru)
If memory serves, Vanilla Ice has since changed his name to Rod Rocket.
What are you wearing tonight? … Lifshitz
John Wayne (Marion Morrison)
Kind of a ‘Boy Named Sue’ thing going on there – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Gbtm-93oqE
Thought Marilyn Monroe was Norma Jean Baker o_O
It’s also worth noting that Adolph “Harpo” Marx had his legal name changed to Arthur after the rise of a certain German leader.
Bobby Tables
Don’t miss the alt-text :)
I’m frequently told that my last name is awesome – Thrasher. It’s one of the profession names (like Smith, Cooper, etc), and comes from a step in preparing wheat. Name origins are a hobby of mine.
And on the cringe-worthy front, I once dated a guy who’s last name was Fester, as in to get infected and start rotting.
I always play that game too. My last name is Abbott so some ancestor of mine obviously worked for the church. I had a friend in highschool whose ancestors were Irish nobles who were driven out of Ireland. His last name was old Gaelic for Bloody Meadow.
I knew a Joe Getter, and told him he should name his daughter “Imona”.
I also want to find a man with the name Yusaf with the last name Ool (Yu’safOol).
We’ve got a guy at work named Dick Hanger – seriously!
had a teacher in high school who’s legitimate birth name was Harry Balls
he had a brother named Richard (dick) Balls
So together they were Dick and Harry Balls? Seem appropriate.
I had a dentist named Dr. Funk, but Funk was such a common last name in my hometown I didn’t even realize how cool a name it was until I mentioned it in passing to someone at uni.
I’ve been to a dentistry owned by Dr. Hu and Dr. Wu. Doctor Who is of course obvious, but there’s also a wooo! of celebration that adds to the fun there.
(“A dentistry”? I have no idea whether that’s correct, but it’s less obviously wrong than anything else I can think of to put there, so it stays…)
I have a friend named Justin Case.
…and my real, given name is Shadow.
Friend of my father in the air force was Major Miner. Also had a member of my reserve unit with a last name of Sargent, he quit at the rank of corporal however, I was really looking forward to a Sargent Sargent.
Had a good friend proudly tell me that his newly adopted son had been named after his grandfathers, Harold and Richard. The look of horror on his face when I told him to think about the usual nicknames for those was priceless. Yes, he had just named his son Harry Dick.
That would be Sergeant Sargent.
There’s a NASCAR driver named Dick Trickle.
My last name is Wey, you can imagine the jokes.
When my wife was pregnant and people would ask what we were going to name the kid, we would say
“Zimbalist Robert.”
Blank look…
“Zim Bob for short.”
More blank looks.
“He’ll be Zim Bob Wey.”
Light bulb goes off, cue the incredulous reactions. People couldn’t tell if we were serious or not and they didn’t want to insult us by laughing or saying anything in case we were serious… lots of brain lock. :D
“My last name is Wey”
Hopefully, your ancestry isn’t Kurdsian…
I’m going to alter this just a little to avoid any potential embarassment to various parties. I met a girl in college whose last name started with a K. Her parents, from Rhode Island, thought it would be cute to be alliterative and named her something like Karen Kathleen K. That’s right. It didn’t help her any that she had wavy blonde hair and blue eyes. They bought her a lot of pink monogrammed sweaters – KKK in gold across her chest. She was wearing one when I first met her.
She went on to earn several degrees – thus becoming Doctor KKK. Which sounds like someone Captain America should be defeating in an Annual Marvel Heroes comic, right?
I worked with a Michael Slaughter.
I almost became Panther Scott.
My last name is Tymes. I have on occasion been called “Tymes lord”. Although I can be quite efficient with my work, drive at speed safely, and otherwise sometimes make it seem like I am altering the flow of time in my favor, that is not actually my superpower (even if I do employ that ability to secure a good enough paycheck that I might not choose to be employed by a government supers organization, were one to exist).
For instance, I can not add enough time between seeing the flash of a muzzle and the bullet reaching me to dodge by any meaningful amount. (So far as I know, anyway. Fortunately this has yet to come up in practice.)
When you invite a friend over to a family gathering do you tell them to “get with the Tymes?” xD I’m sry I couldn’t resist
I hope you never have a sibling named Nuyork…
I don’t, but I think my father has actually done that at sone point.
I assuming you’re planning on marrying a woman named Rosemary?
And name their son Justin…
…and his brother Eldin.
That would be Thymes, a more British spelling of the name. (Tymes is Dutch.)
The repliers had the right sense. Maybe Beckin or Ohta? Too bad there don’t seem to be any good names that are pronounced “space”. (I am working for a certain company that sends satellites to orbit, and it could be said I’m married to my work, but that’s not quite the same.)
“Stace” (like, Stacy) might be close enough.
In Spain there is a surname “Matamoros” Mata=kill, moros=a bad way to refer to people from moroco.
There was a military person shown on a Facebook page whose last name was Merica – the comments trended along the line of “Can’t wait until he makes *Captain*!:
Pvt. Merica
I had a teacher who’s last name was tickle. He always said he wanted to have a daughter and name her Tess.
OH MY GOSH!!!! That’s exactly what my dad did!… sort of. Luckily not to me. We named our dog Tess and he immediately claimed her middle name was Tickle…. Yeah it took us saying it out loud three times thinking it was cute only for us to realize… XD We’ve told the joke to everyone since. ;)
I went to school with a guy named Joel Will Kill.
My real name is shown above…
That’s…that’s…simply Incredible!
FYI Sydney, DC already has a villain named Shrapnel, a human changed into living metal.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shrapnel_%28DC_Comics%29
However, our person spells his name Shrapnell, like Henry Jones Shrapnell (1792-1834) who helped create the smallpox vaccine and mapped the anatomy of the inner ear. Let’s just hope Aurelius’ middle initial is not ‘S’ or his monogrammed towels might be a bit rude for visiting guests.
There in no mention in the biography of Henry Jones Shrapnell if he went by the nickname ‘Indiana’.
Went to high school with a fellow named Harry Dryer. Ironically, he accidentally drove his car into a lake.
In the Army, I worked with a woman named Sargent, who was a Corporal. She got married before she made Sergeant, though, so we had to settle for Sgt. Best.
Also knew a fellow in the motor pool named Lt. Kirk. In preparation for his promotion, they whitewashed one of the old M-113s and painted “Galileo” on the side.
Nice one. Now does anyone know a Will Riker whose car we can paint Stargazer on?
My last name is Walker, I want to get my kids middle names to be Sky or in a different language make it sky to sneak it in.
Also have Uncle name Richard Head. Most unfortunate as he was a nice guy.
Would the name Skye (https://www.babynames.com/name/SKYE) be sufficient?
A friend of my mother’s was named Apple. He sister was Orange. Their family name? Tree. Poor girls.
Talk about “comparing Apples to Oranges”…
Personally, I’m just glad my parents didn’t name me “Grocery”…or, worse, “Discount.”
On a separate topic, note that “to pull” is British for “to convince someone to go home with you for sex.” With that said, I would like to introduce: Chesty Puller one of the manliest men ever, and if you disagree then the entire US Marine Corps may want to talk to you.
Once worked with a guy named Richard Head. He had it legally changed to Richard. When I asked him about it, he politely told me that his given name was actually Dick…
“Dick Head? Did you parent’s hate you?”
That… doesn’t actually change anything :P
The best real life name I’ve encountered was the Sgt who apprehended myself and my accomplice returning from an unauthorized night away from the barracks enjoying some beer, pizza, and pool.
Sergeant Leathers. Not the best as far as meaningful names go, but his timing was impeccable. Just a few minutes after he ordered us to halt and started yelling at us, the sprinklers came on. Through some kind of specific to non-com superpower he was outside their range, while we were right in the spray.
Not sure how, but I forgot about Storm. Coworker from years ago, nicknamed Stormy. Last name: Knight.
I went to school with a guy named “Slaughter,” one girl named “Erin Nation,” and another named “Summer Sprinkle.” I know a family named “Payne,” and my last name is Nickelberry. Finally, my dermatologist was a nice doctor named, “Pepper.” She was in on the joke, because she carried a pen with the soda’s logo.
I went to school with a guy named Will Power, made me wonder about his parents.
I worked in a tech support group many years ago that were a bunch of practical jokers. The woman in the office next door got a call, and you could her her voice gradually rise, and then she start yelling at the caller.
The caller’s name?
Dr. Fu King Hu.
She thought it was me pulling a prank
Met a ‘Royston Wylde’, and now every time I hear his name, I mentally add “- Gentleman Adventurer” in a posh pseudo-victorian accent.