Grrl Power #366 – Successfully unwarranted
Back in the day before DNA tests and mass spectrometers, it’s plausible that a vigilante could maintain a secret identity, especially if you have an environment where the bad guys have some weird unspoken rule about not unmasking them the instant they get knocked out, because otherwise why wouldn’t they? But with modern forensic science, it would basically be impossible. The first time a vigilante gets their lip split in a fight, the authorities would have their DNA. Swab it off someone’s knuckle, from under a fingernail, or a little spatter on a jacket or wall. Spit, skin cells, heck, just capturing them walking down a hall could be enough for gait analysis which could enormously narrow down a list of suspects.
Edit: I just wanted to add this since a few people are pointing it out; I know getting someone’s DNA doesn’t let you immediately identify them if you don’t already have a match on file, but it’s a slam dunk once you do get that match. And if they have a brother or uncle that’s a felon, then you’re suddenly a lot closer to knowing who you’re after. Plus, if you find the same DNA at 20 different scenes, then you have evidence that the same person was involved. Otherwise when you catch the guy, he could say “Oh I only was at the one scene you have evidence for, in fact I’m not even “Vigilante Mask” just a fan of his.”
In the case of someone like Batman, it can be argued that the cops kind of rely on him unofficially and don’t work too hard to unmask him. Also Bruce Wayne probably has the resources and contacts to have his DNA and fingerprints purged from any databases, but someone like Spider-Man? Unmasking him would probably be trivial if the authorities really wanted to.
The only way to avoid being identified would be to fight crime in one of those level 5 hazmat suits, or police the whole battle area in a super OCD manner for hairs and blood and bits of dirt you tracked in from your garden, recover all your Weasel-a-rangs, even the one that slid under the newpaper press or was deflected out the window by the ninja the bad guys hired to beat you in their desperation. Also you’d have to fight quietly and hope no one calls the cops on you for the noise so you have time to clean up. No stopping daylight robberies for you! Just brawls in abandoned warehouses.
Of course I can’t mention superheroes with OCD without linking OCD-Girl! Unfortunately it’s posted with some blogging front end and I can’t figure out how to view the comics at a legible resolution. If anyone does, post in the comments and I’ll put it up here, cause the comic is pretty funny.
Panel three obviously contains some other cameos. Usually if they’re from regular “big” media sources, I like to leave it up to you guys to root them out, cause it’s fun being the person who recognized the obscure thing, but these cameos are small or single team web projects, so I’ll link them here.
The two guys on the top row are just randos I made up for that panel, but many of you should recognize Spinnerette there in the middle. If you haven’t ever checked it out it’s a well drawn and funny webcomic.
On the bottom row is the “Ask a Ninja” guy which was a very funny but unfortunately short lived youtube series… though checking the channel just now I see he’s still slowly updating, or at least remastering his old videos, so… I guess I know what I’m catching up on during lunch.
Next to him is not Carmen San Diego believe it or not, it’s Ronni Kane from another webcomic called Giant Girl Adventures. Guess what her power is?
Weird having only one person in the Who’s Who after a possibly record breaking one on the previous page.
Here’s the link to the new comments highlighter for chrome, and the GitHub link which you can use to install on FireFox via Greasemonkey.
I never comment on comics. BUT HOLY CRAP. SPINNERETTE WOULD BE THE BEST CAMEO IN ALL OF HISTORY.
hell yeah it would be! could you image how awesome it would be to have her entire cast show up in this?!
It’d be hilarious if Minerva and Dabbler turned out to be old friends back in school.
Yes. Yes it wold be awesome. And it would still be awesome 4 years later when I am reading this and trying to catch up to the current strips!
And here I thought that was Ninja Brian from Ninja Sex Party. (They’re both Ninjas with blue eyes, what do you want?)
Yeah, same blue eyes, same “I’m killing you next!” deathly glare as Ninja Brian! I really thought that was him as well!
I thought the Ninja guy looked like Lucas from CAD. Of course, I’ve never seen Lucas in a ninja mask…
I contend that your faith in forensics is laughable The real world isn’t like CSI: even the best investigators and forensic analysts fail to get their man most of the time– and screwups at the lab have become a regular feature of most publicized investigations. We also point you to the literal mountain of decade-old missing person and wanted posters currently available. Now, a government agency might be seriously hot and sweaty to get their dog collar around the neck of a superhuman, but I doubt they could be any more motivated than the people who spend their time IRL tracking down serial killers, bank robbers and terrorist leaders. To say nothing of how certain superpowers would make identity-busting impossible… The only reason any of them know who Harem is, is because she LETS them know.
Forensic identification is not really useful for finding missing people. You already know who they are, after all. What you don’t know is where they are. Which takes detective work more often than it does forensics. So citing those shortfalls does not really advance your case, I am afraid.
In fact going missing is simply one extra way that a secret identity can be exposed. Especially if there happens to be some reason to use forensic identification.
“Bruce Wayne has been missing for three weeks now, why has Batman not made an appearance to rescue him? Let alone deal with the crime wave that is now sweeping through Gothham city! Due to claims that their disappearances might be linked, a court order has been issued, to forensically examine his mansion, to see if any traces of Batman’s DNA can be found, which might tie him to the kidnapping!”
Your own qualifier shows the bias in that statement. The investigations which get the most publicity are those where a mistake has been made. As opposed to the thousands of successful uses of forensics, which are routine and thereby not deemed newsworthy (unless the case has other features that catch the editor’s or producer’s eye).
Just as well that they do not need to be, as those are the kinds of high-profile cases that get a lot of resources and manpower thrown at them to solve the cases. Sometimes it may take months or even years to achieve that (which is the biggest flaw in CSI’s presentation of forensics and detective work) but they do have a fair success rate. Especially for those where they have the DNA of the perpetrators!
Harem’s powers certainly do not make her immune to detection. Firstly she cannot teleport to anywhere she cannot see (barring places that she is intimately familiar with, such as her own bedroom). So this means that she has to actually get into line of sight to her destination. So no ‘porting into a sealed vault, for example.
Of course she could teleport through windows, and past barred walls and gates, to gain access to sensitive areas (including vaults that are open during working hours). But in secure buildings such access points have CCTV covering them. *
If Harem can see in, then the CCTV can probably see her. Either before the ‘port or after it. Or failing that as she moves around, whilst up to her nefarious activities.
Talking about which, that is the point at which she will be leaving forensic clues. She is smart enough to use gloves, of course. But she cannot avoid footprints, and possible material being caught where she is treading or handling objects.
Plus there is the possibility that she will be spotted by a security guard and get shot. With her various bodies to help retrieved a wounded or dead body, she doubtless will be able to win such a fight and/or make a swift escape. But, unless she risks hanging around for cleanup duty, she will be leaving her DNA behind.
Even if she avoids such a dramatic showdown, sooner or later she will make a mistake. And that will be seized upon as capturing a teleporting criminal will have very high priority for law enforcement.
* That, and the likely nature of her crimes, means that it will not take much to figure out that Harem is a teleporter. At which point simple detective work could be all that is necessary to find her. Her earliest teleports will have likely been accidental, when she first discovered her powers.
All it would take is a single report of such, for her to be on Archon’s list of known supers. Therefore she would be both known to them and be a suspect. Even if her multiple bodies would make it easy for her to establish alibis and hard to secure a prosecution. But that is very different to saying that she would never be identified.
Not to mention that getting DNA results takes weeks, not hours, like on TV.
SPINEREEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTEE!!!!!!!!
I have no clue who the others are.
But I think it was Professor Plum in the Library with the Candlestick.
The one with the red hat is Giant Girl. Notable as the author is a fellow commentator, albeit a less frequent one. But using a similar distinctive Gravatar.
Actually, very easy to beat DNA science. Laughably easy.
You can’t possibly sweep up every hair, so you just confuse the issue totally.
Just get a few hundred blood samples from random people, from a blood bank, the drains from a surgery (where did you think the liquid stuff goes?) or a mortuary, make sure you add sodium citrate and keep chilled, and make up a spray bottle every time you went out. Quick spritz, and you’ve fixed up a crime scene that can never bring DNA evidence into court without lying about what they found.
(Can you imagine? Yes, your honor, we found clear DNA evidence that at least 500 people were at the scene, many of them must have been zombies, because they’ve been dead for at least ten years!)
Heh.
And shush! You don’t want to give valuable info like that to villains. Fortunately mostly only good people read this comic though, so you are probably OK.
the ole DNA chaff bomb
There’s another factor. Few people seem to know this, but DNA identification doesn’t actually use the entire genome. It’s based on a handful of ‘markers’, a few dozen at most from the top of my head. While these are still mostly unique per genome, it’s relatively easy (for someone with tech and knowhow) to manipulate or manufacture genomes to have the same markers as other genomes.
Imagine if there’s a murder of someone high profile, and there’s blood under their fingernails that has the same markers as someone else that’s really high profile. Say, a Russian Ambassador to Britain gets killed and damning DNA evidence is found that corroborates with the US Ambassador to Britain.
As I said, you don’t need to replicate the entire genome or steal a legit sample. All you need is the ability to manipulate the genome to have the same marker.
This is also one of the main arguments against a national “DNA database” of the population to help solve crimes.
Governments and large corporations have both amply demonstrated that there is no such thing as ‘waterproof’ cybersecurity. (like there’s no bulletPROOF vests, only bulletRESISTANT).
All it would take is for one such database to be breached, and DNA-based evidence in that nation and neighboring nations is forever useless because it can all be faked to look like any member of the public that seems like a good candidate scapegoat.
In regards to DNA, lately there were a slew of stories about police using online DNA testing databases people have sent samples into to find suspects in cases, so it’d be even easier to track someone down if at least one of their relatives had sent their DNA in to one of those sites. Nothing like having your secret identity exposed because your cousin was curious about tracking down where their ancestors came from lol.
I see people in the comments being all like.
“Hwell AKSHUALLY-” about the DNA and forensics and all I can think is “Oh no! D: Poor Spinny’s gonna get served a Warrant!”
I was rather surprised to see Spinny on the list of vigilantes, (as she’s now a fully licensed hero) but then I have to remember this page was put up in 2015
We stopped reading Spinny after the High School Dream Arc thing, when they didn’t talk about Battle Maid, and got all into really weird art and story that conflicted with the previous story and it through me through a loop.
Did they ever recover from those horrible story choices?
Honestly I was always disappointed that the story seemed to fizzle out before we could get a conclusion of the Battle Maid battle.
What? You think police can’t straight up lie in court? *snort*