Grrl Power #893 – I’ma punch you so hard…
I would apologize for this page, but the middle two panels make me laugh every time.
People talk a bit talk about sticking a boot up someone’s ass so far they can taste leather, but you know what, if they actually did it, they’d probably freak out pretty hard.
- I’ll whoop your ass so fast if you blink you’ll die in the dark.
- I’ll knock your teeth so far down your throat the next time you sit on a bowl of milk duds you’ll have to be careful not to lose a filling! (<– This is a Sydney special)
- I’ll stick my foot so far up your ass, Red Foreman will be like “Yikes!”
- I will slap you so hard you’ll be able to get my fortune told. Cause… my handprint will be on your cheek, see?
- I will slap you so hard, you’ll be like “Hey, stop.”
What’s the best fight ridiculous threat you’ve heard?
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I wonder what happens if he just fires her!
Oh…and “I’ll punch you so hard St.Peter will cringe”
The same thing that happens in robocop when the CEO says, “Dick, you’re fired!”, Except this time it’ll be a dick who says “you’re fired”. :D
Donald, is that you?
I suspect she is very versed in contracts, he probably can’t fire her unless she violates the contract.
I was expecting her refusing to follow orders (to stand down) to null her powers
“Have you ever tried to pick up your teeth with broken fingers?”
Never trust a man who doesn’t have a single nosehair.
Superhero gene and what-not. I imagine body hair is very rare too, unless it specifically relates to their superpower.
It’s stated early on that the Supers don’t have body hair. But, now that I am thinking hair adjacent I wonder if a super can grow a moustache?
When Harem said body hair, I’m assuming she means … body hair (hair on the body), not facial hair (hair on the face), since none of the supers in ARCHON are bald. Heck, there’s a super who’s a barber who can specialize in cutting hair for supers, so yes, I’d have to guess that supers can throw moustaches and beards, even though so far none of the supers in ARCHON have moustaches or beards.
But what about… ear hairs?
You know… the ones you need to hear?
I’m pretty sure they have ear hair and nose hair. They also all seem to have eyelashes and eyebrows.
That guy who ‘prodded’ Maxi about having everyone wearing Bhurkha? Isn’t he a super?
Luke Georgiou isn’t a super, just a tech genius (and smaller than Sydney)
I don’t think he’s (his name is Omar – he’s an engineer at Archon – btw) a super. He doesnt seem buff enough to be an idealized human form like Stalwart, Blulk, or Hiro. And doesnt seem svelte enough like the other idealized form we’ve seen (Vance, X, and Mathias – assuming Math is a super to begin with).
But if he’s a Super as well, then that’s proof right there that supers can have facial hair :).
Oh wait… also Core’s a Super I think (employed by Deus, currently working in Sydney’s comic shop), assuming Deus mainly hires supers for his big stuff, and he does have a goatee and seems to have an idealized human form. Orrr maybe he just works out a lot and is a very skilled human, like Peggy.
So… um. What about Bobobo-bo Bo-bobo, then?
As may have been previously observed (as much as once or twice per page of comments,) what HenchBitch just did was attempted murder, striking Stretch Daddy at the base of the skull with sufficient force to drive her hand all the way through. I wonder what grossed her out?
She only has superstrength if she’s hired by someone with superstrength… Maybe she isn’t used to it? Also everytime she’s hired by someone with superstrength they probably have different degrees of superstrength, so even if she always remember to hold back she’d have to relearn how much she has to hold back to avoid killing while remaining effective.
She probably expected him to either bounce away like a normal person would, maybe with a sickening CRUNCH noise to show his skull/vertebrae were goners, or at worst for his head to explode. You’d be surprised how often people ready for one type of grossout are completely unprepared for a different type of it, especially when it’s a rarer type.
Even if she says she knew that it wouldn’t cause a lethal injury with her punch, it is still assault of a federal officer. Plus a pretty long list of other crimes just by participating in this little soiré
“…not a lethal injury…” She expected his head to displace several feet and his neck to stretch to keep it attached? A demonstration of stretchiness? I’ll buy that. But, as you point out, it is still assault (and battery) of a federal officer. Plus conspiracy to commit everything else they’ve done.
At this point, the LLC needs to fire her to keep her from getting them in any deeper. Then a web comic artist needs to hire her to up his output.
Threat? “Don’t make me tell your mother!”
One of the best I ever heard was a drill sergeant in the movie ‘Major Payne’. Silly movie, but one of the best lines is when he yells “I’mma kick your ass so hard you’ll be drinking the water on my knee!”
One I have used in real life is ” I”ll feed you your own dog!”
“I will shove your head so far up your ass you’ll have to chew your way out!”
Then there was one of my favorites:
“YOU.” “You.”
“You WILL BECOME.”
“Become?” “Will become.”
“ONE of” “One OF” “One.”
“US.” “Of us.” “Us.”
This spoken by a horde of about fifty-odd rats with eyes of green fire…
(Not that they had that capability, but no sense telling them that…)
My dad used to tell me that I better straighten up or he’ll crack my azz the other way…
and when I saw that “headsplodeyPUNCH” frame in today’s comic I couldn’t stop laughing for several minutes, I do not know why (-___-)
Brut will surrender because of the treath of being fired on.
Hench Wench will surrender because she was fired.
Doubt Juggernot has that authority, it’s one of the reasons why she had them become an L.L.C. before contracting her
Actually if Brut is the managing member (sometimes called a Founder, sometimes a CEO, sometimes just ‘Owner’) of the LLC, he can most definitely fire her (I’m listed as Owner for my PLLC). And so far it does look like he’s the managing member/partner. He definitely seems to have been acting like he’s in charge. Sometimes it just requires someone who has authority for the managing member.
But usually, it does NOT require agreement of everyone in the LLC to fire someone hired by the LLC.
Interestingly enough “I’m going to introduce your face to the back of your skull!”
“BOY I am about to be all over you like white on rice with a glass of milk on a paper plate in a SNOWSTORM, I am gonna put my foot so far up yo ass the water on my knee will QUENCH. YO. THIRST!”
When I was in the Navy the threat went something like this:
“I’m going to give you the 8-10-12 attitude adjustment. That’s when it takes 8 medics 10 hours to remove my size 12 boot from your @$$.”
There would be a problem if someone hit Achilles hard enough to put him into next Tuesday…He’ll be there waiting for you to catch up.
I assume Hench Wench is “offscreen” in the last three panels as she hurls epically.
I find myself asking only one question… How much of this just got put on the big screen because of their location?
And we’re live with OHGAWDWHADAHEL! *commercial break*
And that’s why he’s buddy with Achilles, they can both use their power to freak out the enemies.
He made one villain puke, another villain look horribly disturbed, his girlfriend concerned, and even the usually serious Maxima was not spared from this. And his response was basically “that felt weird.”
And of course as someone else said, this is probably being broadcast over the news and news anchors probably blew chunks as well.
The same thing that happens in robocop when the CEO says, “Dick, you’re fired!”, Except this time it’ll be a dick who says “you’re fired”. :D
Hench Wench scrambles for some nearby shrubs and loses her lunch…!
h-uh… can’t find my comment anymore :(
I mean… if he had a normal head, it’d’ve come off or come apart, so is this really worse, villains?
Amorphous is demonstrating the Wolverine factor: Because a super powered punch to the back of the head can’t kill him, Amorphous is the one who gets the super powered punch to the back of the head.
The author has covered this on a humorous level, but clearly is still more than willing to play it fairly straight with his more durable characters.
Look at that result and try to tell me it’s not humorous
Considering I was laughing for several minutes every time I looked at the screen, I can’t say its not funny. It is. And sadly its not the kind of twisted humor you see the superhero genre being willing to embrace.
Probably the most serious scene I ever saw with an elastic power hero was when Plastic Man was thrown back in time and they blew him up, scattering his parts all over the planet. Millions of years later they recovered him. He survived being blown into thousands of parts with no apparent long term damage.
And topping it off, Batman spoke well of Plastic Man in that scene.
Plastic Man may very well be completely immortal short of anything less than being hurled into the sun, and even then I have my doubts.
True. Last I heard, Batman’s contingency plan if Martian Manhunter (Superman-level strength and endurance, flight, invisibility, intangibility, top-tier shapeshifting, telepathy and telekinesis, and I’m probably forgetting a few) ever went rogue was just “Get Plastic Man to fight it out with him.”
His contingency plan if Plastic Man himself went rogue? One word: “Run.”
For your interest, Batman has referred to The Elongated Man as the worlds finest detective. A far lesser known character. Not often he praises people.
When Sue Storm became Malice…. And Mr Fantastic tried to ball her inside her force field… Heheheheh!!!! https://comicvine1.cbsistatic.com/uploads/original/14/149056/5559281-sue%20pierces%20reed.jpg
“Next time I’ll take your own legs and shove them so far up your ass you’ll have toes for teeth.”
I found everyone’s reactions the best part of this one.
Shades of Galaxy Quest “Oh, that’s just not right!”
My favourite threat is “step on your dick!”
Uttered by R. Lee Ermey in an obscure Vietnam war movie. One of his men is being a dumbass and Ermey’s character said that he’d “step on your dick right now”, however there were extenuating circumstances so Ermey cut him some slack.
As for most ridiculous threat…
Hm, I’d go with:
“knock you into next week” (is that time travel, or just knock him out until next week?)
and
“Rip off your head and shit down your neck!” (which would be messy, nasty, gross…. and difficult to do the last bit).
Notably, in the original Duke Nukem 3D first person shooter, he does this with a boss. Rips off the guys head (at least it is a really big guy), and the next thing you know he’s sitting on the guy’s neck with his pants around his ankles while reading the newspaper.
Since when is “Full Metal Jacket” an ‘obscure Vietnam war movie’? o_O
Because the line I’m thinking of isn’t from Full Metal Jacket?
Ermey is pretty profane in that movie, and may have said it there, but I don’t recall it and that isn’t where I remember it from.
Siege of Firebase Gloria.
Haven’t been able to find the quote though.
As a note, the usage is different than to step on your own dick.
Thank you, didn’t know he had been other movies, so guess it is an obscure Vietnam Movie :P
Better idea: “I’m going to kick you into last week, trapping you in a stable time loop that begins and ends with my foot up your ass!”
One I used in the army,.
Ill kick my foot up your arse so far it will come out shiny Brown
Cause.. we were supposed to have spit shined black boots… and… ok yea, don’t think on it too hard
My personal favorite out-there threats are:
“Boy, I am two seconds from being on you like white on rice in a glass of milk on a paper plate in a snowstorm. I’m gonna put my foot so far up your ass, the water on my knee will quench your thirst.”
“I can clean your colon quicker than one of them bean burritos with extra guacamole sauce” -Major Benson Payne
“My handle’s Smokey Bear, and I’m TAILGRABBIN’ yo’ ASS right NOW!”
“I’m gonna BBQ yo’ ASS in MOLASSES!” -Sheriff Buford T. Justice of Texarkana Texas
Also, we’re all overlooking what might be one of the best sound effects ever in the very first panel.
Flag football game on the line the guy across from me was playing rough trying to intimidate his opponent. Swinging his forearm up in an uppercut. Third time I lined up across from him I expressed my displeasure.
“You hit me with that forearm again and I’m tearing it off and feeding it too you.”
No problems the rest of the game.
That looked like it was real fun to draw.
My favorite wacky threat is inspired by Sciona: “I’m going to rip off most of your head, grind your scalp into paste, and shove it down what’s left of your neck!”
“I’m going to grab you by your pecs, and shake you till I squeeze milk out” I then did. Never did get milk but funny as shit watching a marine cry and sob in a curled up ball….. Go Gator fleet….!!
W’ll learn if a gobshite can pick up teeth with broken fingers”
One I have used myself in a gaming session:
“I swear I will slap you hard enough for your ancestors to feel it!”
I will beat you so bad the Jedi will feel it
I get all the rest by why would his tung stretch out into that length / shape?
and my favorite ridiculous threat is from the Princess Bride
To the pain
Westley: To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists. Next your nose.
Prince Humperdinck: And then my tongue I suppose, I killed you too quickly the last time. A mistake I don’t mean to duplicate tonight.
Westley: I wasn’t finished. The next thing you will lose will be your left eye followed by your right.
Prince Humperdinck: And then my ears, I understand let’s get on with it.
Westley: Wrong! Your ears you keep and I’ll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out, “Dear God! What is that thing,” will echo in your perfect ears. That is what to the pain means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever.
Watsonian explanation: probably a slight loss of control over his power given that his hypothalamus was paper-thin for a second there.
Doylist explanation: Because it’s funny.
“I’mma fill you so full of holes, Chef Boy-ar-dee will fight to use you for a spaghetti strainer!”
My favorite threat “Im going to Punch/Kick you so hard it causes Hydrogen fusion.”
… which could be an actual thing with some of the people there.
I cringe-laugh every time I see this. Mr. Amorphous getting punched in the back of the head looks a lot like the pterodactyl things that Alec Baldwin and Geena Davis turn themselves into in the movie Beetlejuice.
nah, Alec went the other way with his hand… in the mouth from the front, not back.
technicalities aside, i agree, i thought that too…
I’mma kick you in the nuts so hard your eyeballs will start growing hair.
I once got into a fight in highschool where a boy wound up on his back trying to kick me in the face. I grabbed both of his ankles and began to stomp repeatedly on his crotch. I didn’t stop until I felt his pelvis fracture. He also lost a testical.
I was never ambushed again.
Oof, bruh, and I thought I’d been harsh when I kicked a guy in the nuts until he said uncle…
(took six nut kicks, BTW)
Three guys attacked me with clubs. Two got in each others way while I focused on the one that got to me. Those two ran away after I did it for the first guy. A good thing too, I was exhausted after that. I called an ambulance.
must have heard this one??? :D
“I am gonna shove fist so far down your throat I can grab your ass and turn you inside out!” :P
Me, to a droid in a Star Wars RPG
“I will punch you so hard scrap yards will be begging for my technique for decades!”
Oh god those middle panels. My sides are hurting from laughing so hard.
:-D
Likewise
If Hench Wench is sufficiently insubordinate, does she default on the contract and suddenly get depowered?
I was wondering the same. This seems to be breach of contract – refusing to follow orders as contracted to do so.
What she is doing is not a breach of contract, going by her statement in panel 3. Clearly it explicitly states the scope of her duties, rather than using nebulous phrases such as “and follow any other orders” or “perform other duties as required”.
However if her employer(s) feel that she is being too insubordinate in her general attitude there is nothing to stop them from saying “you’re fired”. Which would probably de-power her, as speculated. Although it ultimately depends on just how her power operates. If, for instance, her contract stipulates precise severance procedures, and they are not followed, then she would likely retain her powers until they were properly performed. Perhaps including not being final until an appeal process had been concluded.
So it may take weeks or months for her to lose her latest powers.
Which cuts both ways mind. If Archon (or some other nation or villain group) decided that they urgently needed someone with all the combined powers of their supers, she may be unable to gain those powers until she had first successfully terminated her previous employment. Unless they co-operated that could be long drawn out.
Yipes looks like Hench stupid is going to get in worse trouble and cause worse trouble for her boss, that guy’s going to be singing them high notes REAL soon if he don’t get things sorted.
Naa, Maxima would not maim somebody who was not an active threat! Brüt has surrendered, which means that he is in Maxima’s custody and, as such, she is required to protect him. Further Brüt is clearly cooperating above and beyond that. So, even if he is not successful, Maxima would face serious criminal charges herself if she harmed him.
In a story I was writing, a character used the threat “That person is under my personal protection. Touch them, and I will eviscerate you and strangle you to death with your own entrails.”
Someone tried to call the bluff, only to find out that the individual in question was, in fact, quite serious and literal-minded, to the disgust of everyone present. Including the individual being protected. It was definitely a ‘what the hell, hero’ moment.
It establishes a good reputation, that you do not make idle threats. Anyone who witnessed that, or who lives two counties over, will not mess with that hero lightly.
My favorite was one i used when someone went to walk off with a M:TG deck i let them borrow.
“I WILL stab you. In the face. With a bowling ball. Repeatedly.”
Next week he tried the same thing so i dropped a bowling ball that seemed to come from nowhere on the table.
The whole place shat a collective brick neighborhood. It was pretty great.
:-)
You are not the only one. And I adore Heatwave’s reaction in the final panel too.
“I will kick your ass so hard that your vertebrae will pop out of your mouth one by one like a pez dispenser.”