Grrl Power #439 – Valve hasn’t announced Portal Tree yet
Sydney was excitable – some might say injury prone – before she knew that the world contained the many potential wonders of things only possible due to super powers. She knew supers existed, but there’s a big difference between knowing something exists and having it feature heavily in your day to day life. Now that that’s the case for her… well, she runs headlong into trees with surprising confidence.
The question must be asked, what would someone put on a sign that would actually keep you out? Any sign trying too hard (much like this one) would only invite curiosity. If this comic was slightly more serious I think biohazard symbols and something about airborne infectious agents. Some sort of explosive hemorrhagic fever that promises to burst your eyes last so you can watch the rest of your body melt first… Nope, see, that’s trying too hard again.
Maybe “Warning: Worlds 7th most boring tunnel.” Cause of course, the most boring tunnel can’t even exist by virtue of it’s own internal paradox. Maybe just a sign about raw sewage?
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New to the spy business.
Shh, rule one is you do not go around telling folks on the internet that! You have a nice anonymous name though, so you are not doing too badly, for a beginner.
you’re not a wizard halo
First attempt at casting Pass Through Plants usually fails…
It always fails for George of the Jungle.
She’s not a druid. Druids get the tree-hopping spell.
I don’t think any signs will be enough to deter everyone. Even radiation signs will likely be ignored by some people (though I’m guessing only a few). As Terry Pratchett once put it, “Paint a button with a ‘Do not touch, end of the world button’ on the back wall of a cave, and the paint wouldn’t even have time to dry.”
Also, Sydney’s face-planting (oh God that’s even funnier now I type it out) made me laugh at work. Again. Your comic is hell for keeping things discreet at work, Dave, and I can only ask you to never change that fact.
And suddenly, I’m sad for Sir Terry’s passing all over again.
Sadly, that isn’t a palm tree…
*face paw*
Sydney just made herself the (head)butt of a (j)oak…
Seriously, they’d have to have a bigger entrance than that. They’d have to have a large enough entry to accommodate literal truckloads of food & supplies, at least occasionally.
Poor Sydney is in pine.
She didn’t cedar was a door, it was hidden by that sweetshrub camouflage.
This is just one entrance, the main supply entrance is ten miles ^^ thataway
In Sydney’s defense: It is a pretty fake looking tree.
Wasn’t there that guy who thought radioactivity is a hoax and moved to Chernobyl, just to prove all these crazy environmentalists wrong?
Well, he died. Of cancer.
There are people willing to believe almost anything. There was one woman somewhere in South America (Mexico, I think, but I’m not 100% certain) who stared at the sun for several days, thinking she could change something. I don’t remember what it was she thought she would change… fixing the hole in the ozone layer? Making the sun’s sunspots go away? Either way, the only changes were in her retina. Macular degeneration, UV-induced cataracts, conjunctival disease… some sort of permanent and irreversible damage was done.
And speaking of staring at the sun and permanent eye damage, back in 2008 there were at least 50 people who went blind staring at the sun trying to see the Virgin Mary, and in Hong Kong, the latest diet fad is “Sun eating”… staring at the sun for up to 44 minutes at a time. (However, unlike the woman in South America, they do have enough sense to actually wear UV-blocking glasses, though this may not protect them in the long run.) They believe that somehow this replaces food.
(Well, I suppose permanent solar retinopathy does, in fact, make it difficult to find your next meal…)
Not to be that guy but Mexico is a part of North America not south.
Yes, I know. It’s south of the United States, though. ;)
Somehow, that might even be the start of a new joke, similar to the reference of the “south end of a north-bound jackass” type…
Do you need passports to go to Mexico? I know you do for New Mexico but Mexico’s a different country, perhaps the requirements are different…
(Ok, bad joke, but you’d be surprised how many people don’t know New Mexico is a state…)
Yes, I need a passport to go anywhere in the United States or Mexico. They might let me back into Canada without one, but it is a lot easier when I have it.
I have a friend who got a job in New Mexico and actually went to the immigration office to ask if she needed to fill out any special paperwork to accept a job in another country but still keep her U.S. Citizenship… we still never let her live it down when she comes back to nevada
I used to work for the publishing company that produced the magazine “New Mexico Monthly”. They had a regular column where readers submitted stories about being mistaken for Mexicans instead of Americans. It was called “One of Our States is Missing”.
Looks like they still have it, in web form even.
https://www.nmmagazine.com/one-of-our-50-is-missing/
Followed Torrenal’s link leading to your referenced magazine. Amazing how stupid can be so funny.
+2 for you,
+1 for Torrenal
My favorite geographical joke:
Why does the wind in Kansas generally blow north to south?
Because Nebraska sucks and Oklahoma blows.
https://instantrimshot.com
(The people, however, are lovely) :D
Shouldn’t it be south to north then? :P
USA! USA! USA! US–* What? Inappropriate? Really? *sigh* Fine.
if i recall maps right(haven’t looked at one since highschool honestly) Mexico is one of the countries that make up Central America, not North America.
replying to myself to say: i looked it up, i’m wrong nvm my comment.
in fairness, most Americans don’t even realize there’s two other countries in North America.. or that technically there’s two entire continents of Americans. really should call yourselves “Statesies” or something. ;)
More than two. Central America is a mess of troublesome countries. Mexico not being the least.
Not to mention those in the Caribbean.
Most definitions I have seen include the Caribbean and Central America as part of North America.
Central America being the term for a group of countries making up the south most tip of the North American continent.
By the hooves of Poseidon’s First Horse, we’re surrounded!
::scampers for cover and a nice bale of hay::
Sadly, there are numerous people under 40 that can’t even tell you what the capital of their own state is…
They clearly were deprived of Animaniacs then.
I don’t know what’s correct anymore. I used to learn than North America is everything from Alaska and Canada all the way down to Panama, with Central America a part of North, reaching from Mexico to Panama. And that South America is from Colombia downwards.
It was far simpler back in the good old days. Everything pink was part of the Empire.
Then somebody spilt some tea, and the map got stained a different colour.
As a kid, would often stare at the sun long enough to see the corona (the dark ‘rim’ of the sun), no health problems (well, other than now being sensitive to sunlight and always having to wear sunglasses during the day, no matter the weather)
I would go for the Sam method from freefall, and have a sign inviting free spam, or a Tele marketer sign up spot.
also, it seems like sooner or later we sill find out if any orbs give a healing ability, passive or active. She has a bruised leg, bruised cheek, burned hand, and now smashed face. If she does heal, this may prove her bad powers theory she pro proposed earlier.
Mime performance in progress – seats $335, no public restrooms
NAMBLA auditions. Chris Hansen not welcome
Leper Colony – “you can keep the tip”
“NAMBLA auditions.
Unfortunately there’d be too many interested in that. How-about: “Fox & Friends auditions. Roger Ailes judging.”
Then make it creepier yet…
NAMBLA auditions. Special host Chris Hansen!
That should keep most anyone away.
Speak friend and enter.
WAAAYYYY too many of the super-hero geek/fantasy nerds crowds would be able to come and go at their leisure with THAT as the password, since there’s a lot of crossover in the genre’s… heck, they even made a movie about it, ya’ know… that low-budget flick from a few years ago that hardly anyone even saw… so there might even be a few muggles that know that phrase too…!
But see what you have to do is have it say Speak Friend and Enter, but first translated from elvish directly into klingon, and from there translate that into Azeroth Orcish, then translate that into High Gothic, from there translate it into Dov, replace the dov with oblivion script, translate that back into english, and finally transcribe it all in Marabic. That should keep out even the geeks and nerds.
That would probably keep out authorized users as well…
But the authorized users would already know the password, it’d only keep out the ones who don’t know it
How about this:
Welcome to Mansonto Agricultural Biotechnology corporation GMO testing area.
All GMO products being tested at this facility meets out highest safety standards and visitors are encouraged to taste all berries from our improved strains.
Visitors are expected to act in a way that safeguards their own safety and that of others.
We will not be responsible for any injury, illness, death, loss (for example loss of enjoyment), damage, expense, cost or other sum or claim of any description whatsoever (including, without limitation, any incident or accident)
In case of acute medical conditions within a month of your visit please contact a hospital and provide site code #M943522
Monsanto, not “Mansonto”. (Sorry, I know. Nit, nit, nit.)
Also, the fears over GMO are seriously overblown. Nearly 80% of all processed food is GMO. Now, Monsanto’s long-term plans… yes, I’m suspicious. But of the company itself, and its long-term plans, not the GMO food they develop.
That may have been an intentional play on words…
Yep, just trying to avoid their lawyers…
Well that part isn’t the really scary part. I left out the parts about visitors being sued for any spread of Mansonto IP, wherever through intent or accident. Anyone who’s paid any attention to that other company, that shall remain unmentioned, for reasons, will make very certain they don’t come any where near any of their crops or experimental strains if there is the least risk that they may cause the spread of a single seed, pit, or even some pollen. Farmers has been sued when M…. Eh… the company’s modified crop spread to adjacent fields through the distribution of pollen which was blown by the wind from the fields with modified crop.
So it’s not the GMO that’s really scary, it’s their lawyers…
I am very glad that Europe has resisted allowing GM crops into our food chain, to date.* Given that no cereal imports USA can now be certified to be GM free, by our standards.
I do pity the American guinea pig populations though. Y’all are nice folks. But I am glad that we have that big moat called the Atlantic, in case you all come down with a bad case of GM-induced zombification!
* I could not bring myself to look at the small-print of the latest US EU trade deal. I know there was huge pressure to force GM crops onto us. I can only hope that they did not manage to bribe enough politicians, to pull that off.
You are aware that carrots were Genetically Modified hundreds of years ago, by the Dutch, so we can blame the Europeans for starting this whole GM mess :p
You are aware, are you not, that the carrot you are familiar with today was Genetically Modified hundreds of years ago, by the Dutch, simply to please their Royal Family, so, we can blame Europeans for this whole GM mess :p
Just so long as my oranges stay a nice healthy purple… wait… did the House of Orange get to those too?
I like the classics myself:
“HERE BE DRAGONS
Come on in we’ve love to
eatmeet you.”“Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch’intrate.”
“Enter freely, and of your own will.”
Given the in-comic reference to that…
no, no, I will be strong, I will resist any urge to make a cunnilingus joke!
I failed, didn’t I?
Well, at least in the comments section here, you have proven yourself to be quite the cunning linguist…
This link really needs to be here.
(audio, not suitable for work)
…That’s certainly a…different…take on the meme of a princess-eating dragon…
O.o
If you want a door sign almost guaranteed to stay unopened, make it a bland grey door with a sign saying, “Surplus 2017 simplified tax form storage”. Even people who know the truth would be hesitant to open that door. Then for good measure, put a 22 page entry request form next to the door, just in case a wild bureaucrat wanders by.
And we have a winner!
And to make it worse, add “Free Tax Audits within”.
Can we stop with the healing potential of the mystery orbs? If they had that ability, passive or active, they would have revealed that by now
+1
Other webcomics havealready perfected the concept
The former is what Deltarno was referencing with:
Both are funny mind. Mansion of E does have signs everywhere, and for everything, though. So it is a particularly clever piece of misinformation, in that setting.
I know, I just wanted to provide the link. Plus, it’s worth mentioning twice, n’est-ce pa?
Mais oui, mon joli petit écureuil.
Kingdom Hall – Visitors welcome to come join the Jehovah’s Witnesses
Nah, people are idiots about religion. You’d have them wandering in from all across the nation to join up.
Or for N.I.M.B.Y. picketing
Careful, you may be surprised just who may actually be a Witness (and you can thank the Witnesses that you can still go to your neighbour and ask for a cup of sugar or to borrow the hedge clippers)
Idiot testing facility. Walk-ins welcome.
:-D
please, leave your signs here, you can pick them up again on the way out.
This and the Muppet incident show Sydney isn’t properly using her Truesight Orb.
And by ‘properly’ I mean isn’t.
Would eye-balling the muppet-Max have given her Experience towards her next skill-point?
Isn’t using it frequently enough, rather. She has unmasked several aliens with it. More than she realises, for that matter, if she had been paying attention.
Speaking of muppets & cunnilingus jokes: Why can’t Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because every time she gets to 69, she has a frog in her throat.
What’s a 6.9? A perfectly good thing spoiled by a period.
A sign to keep people out, would probably do well to not attract reporters, vagrants, and people who think they have nine lives.
“Keep out. Caution, plague carrying rats present”
Mundane enough for it to not be newsworthy. Dull enough to not draw the curious. Hazardous enough to discourage most vagrants. Those who can’t read and wander in anyhow? Nurse ratchet can convince them to not return soon, by way of ‘plague shots’
“Free emasculation. (Please note: patients must provide their own rusty spoon)”
That sign would probably ignite curiosity.
Or make angry partners sign up their myopic husbands/boyfriends/whatever.
…And then there might still be some remaining fanaticism based on the Skoptsy cult that would be attracted…
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Skoptsy
**includes a NSFW picture…Also, Not Safe For Male Eyes either.
Plague carrying rats might not be newsworthy in the countryside where rabid rodents live, but in New York City? I think paparazzi from around the world would be going in there, in droves, to investigate!
Modified plan, put the plague carrying rats in there, in the bottom of a spiked pit of doom.!
Only kidding of course. It would be honest reporters investigating that story. But keep the pit ready. Society might evolve to the point where we consider it a fitting end for paparazzi.
If you’ve picked a location so built up as to make plague noteworthy, you’ve likely picked the wrong kind of location for secret stuff requiring elderly guards that play chess at the entrance. I’m in suburbia here and have on more than one occasion driven past fenced off areas with plague warnings. Prairie dogs, not rats, but still plague and about as noteworthy as a ‘this lake has no fish’ sign.
*modifies list of good places to visit*
• Sydney’s apartment
• Peggy’s favourite bar
•
Torrenal‘s suburb• Dabbler’s home planet (or where she went to school, if that is different)
nope… quite newsworthy as it happens… you’d get all the PETA crowd to protect them, and the “OMG there are Plague Carrying Rats Around… we gotta get the exterminators in here to wipe them out” crowds to picket the place, as well as the college frat-boys that use the place as an initiation/hazing ritual with their: “go get 10 Rat’s and you’re in the frat” kind of shite…
I believe the one behind this sign to be the same behind the sign in the Men’s bathing facilities back at Archon :D
nope the one back in the men’s changing room had a lot more evil genius to it
“No Wi-Fi” is evil genius enough to deter many teenagers though.
Or basically anyone playing Pokemon GO.
Needs not only No Wi-Fi but also Maximum .5 Bar signal
… especially since this kind of sign screams: Here be epic level secrets worthwhile any risk.
Certain death through lack of Wi-Fi is something that had me laughing hard, though.
The teenagers KFox mentioned probably could relate.
With all the splatter and actual death in the media, social media deprivation probably is a more heart felt danger to them than the prospect of a short lived death by explosives.
A bright, cartton adorned, ovrer the top sign with something along the lines of “Doctor Amazo’s Funatorium! You must be at least this happy to enter!!!”
Heh. My father is the eldest of eight, so I have a couple uncles who are more like older brothers in age. As a teen I was hiking in Montana (where both my parents were born and raised) with them, and we came across a stream. With a sign. Which said something like “Don’t drink the water.” We all had canteens, but my youngest uncle declared “Eh, it’s just probably 2 parts per million of something, and this water is fresh and cold.” He dumped his canteen and replaced it with water from the stream.
A couple days later we returned from our hike/camp and were in the nearest town. He asked one of the locals about the stream and the sign. The local said “Naw, it’s just that there’s a cattle ranch upstream.”
He’s lucky he didn’t get dysentery or something, drinking from waters that cows had pissed and shit in.
I’d be scared off by either electricity or radiation. Neither are visible, and both can kill you in fairly horrible ways. I guess I’d turn around if told about anthrax or some similar disease, also invisible and horrible. I’d have never made it to the top of the mesa in Close Encounters of the Third Kind, I enjoy life and the fruits of not being electrocuted, radiated, or diseased too much.
Was once hiking with my dad, and we ran into a river coming out of a Dam.
There were signs everywhere warning you of death if the dam ever opens while you’re in the water.
We took a picture of him in the water with the sign visible
Love the “No wi-fi” warning. As if that would stop me.
Possible signs to keep me out of an area, please note, I am a boring person.
Keep off the grass (No visible pathway through but the grass).
Private Property Guarded by Dogs.
Warning: Area Boobytrapped (Ironic detail, you can be -surprisingly- painstaking if you leave signs saying that you boobytrapped an area)
If it’s short-term enough, warnings of dangerous molds/fungi (or other sufficiently ‘transparent’ / invisible dangerous terrain aspects) will keep me out, but the area becomes -increasingly- more transparent the longer it lasts and the less well guarded it is.
A sufficiently discomforting path also helps, setting up a base near a mudpit keeps me out, but draws in all terrain vehicles and individuals who want that kind of fun all times of day, and not all of their vehicles are very stable, so you’d end up with visitors of that sort to contend with.
Ironically, one of the best ways to keep people disoriented would be to more or less set up a frat near the edge of it with the very specific goal to try to drag people into parties at the frat. The people who are up for a cheap beer are usually going to be too drunk to head in, especially if you set a drink limit for the guards to allow them to redirect traffic flows, and the more curious sort are usually going to be turned off by the 3-4 different people doing stupid catcalls or other nonsense to properly be put on continuing to investigate, although if the parties become well-known/popular, this plan can backfire, you pretty much need to go against the terrain’s dynamic.
On any wooden surface “Designed by Masters of the Art of Stagecraft.” I like living. Of all the options here, the most potentially immediately lethal that is the least obviously lethal to anybody who doesn’t know the terrain is anything designed by anybody to be used in a play production.
Re-enactment signs would deter me but draw other crowds. It’s not that I dislike historical re-enactments or would view them as something to avoid, it’s that I would rather respect the individuals putting time and effort to do such a thing, and leave them to their own devices.
Things that wouldn’t deter me: Warnings of raw sewage, wild skunks, or other stench-based issues, in fact they’d increase curiosity unless they were accompanied by some evidence, a smell or tent -shrugs-. Warnings of poisonous snakes -might- scare me off or attract me at random, and constrictors wouldn’t even catch my attention because last I checked the states don’t have any non-poisonous constrictors that are big enough to be a danger to humans, and the poisonous ones are only dangerous by virtue of being poisonous (Albeit in varying manners). Another option would be to simply set the base in an office building. If you run -actual- businesses in the office building, and maintain more then a few, up until somebody gets mixed up as to which office or which cubicle farm they’re headed and takes a wrong turn to your super secret meeting, then you’re pretty safe, because most people working in cubicles can’t be pried from their cubicle or their lunch schedule with a crowbar if they’re kept busy -enough-. Lessee…oh, any sufficiently ‘old’ looking sign is blatantly ignored by me, if it’s old and uncared for enough to have rust on it and it isn’t stating something like “Oil Rig guarded by -such and such- company”
Re non-poisonous snakes in the USA that can be large enough to be dangerous to humans: Not native species. no, but the Burmese Pythons that have become naturalised in the Florida Everglades are potentially hazardous…
Don’t worry the Nile crocodiles, now also living there, will probably eat them.
Just don’t let a python wrap you up, when one is passing. They never turn down any offers of ‘pigs in blankets’!
Maybe the sign is supposed to look suspicious, which makes you go the wrong way. Reverse psychology. Though, that tree still looks suspicious…
The only thing suspicious about that tree, I think, is the Halo shaped dent in it . . .
Express Tunnel To Detroit (One Way)
Heck, I’d check that one out. It would be the longest tunnel on Earth! Throw in the high-speed transit, and I would want to find out what it was all about, despite that destination. In fact, the combination of “express” with that city makes me envisage a Shinkansen type train, but with car-carrying capability too.
Not to mention if it is available to exploit as a business opportunity. It may only be one-way,. but Detroit could serve as a good hub for onward traffic, with all those roads leading out of it!
Have you seen pictures of Detroit lately…Sounds like certain death to me!
O.o
So i’m assuming its really just a short tunnel with a 500′ drop into a pit called Detroit, filled with rusty car parts?
Wouldn’t an entrance to a secret bunker be better camouflaged as something that you can enter relatively inconspicuously in plain sight, even as a super? Like maybe an elevator in a govt building? The kind that goes to a secret floor after you type in the right password. Because if it’s in a public park it would be hard to prevent onlookers even by night. By day you probably wouldn’t be able to use the passage.
Unless there’s a super with an onlooker-away ability. That kind of guy would be worth a lot of money to any agency/criminal organization in the world (probably more for the latter actually).
I remember some TV show had the secret entrance to the spy HQ being in the changing room of a tailor shop. Man From UNCLE, maybe? My favorite is still the one in Get Smart, though.
I saw a kids film recently with that premise. It was a Bond-type agency. Not too bad, for a kids film.
If you’ve seen the movie R.I.P.D., then the elevator to the Boston branch of the R.I.P.D. was through the back room of a VCR repair shop.
Nick: “You ever think of hiding this place better?”
Roy: “When was the last time you got a VCR repaired?”
Nick: “Point taken.”
That is correct. The Man from U.N.C.L.E.
But I have to wonder about the dozens of people working in the offices who work 9 to 5 but more likely three shifts so that the secret organization has 24-hour coverage. How do they get to work is there a direct passage from a local parking garage? What about lunch? It’s not delivered is it? Maybe some of them live there.
UNCLE did have a parking garage, yes. One of many attacks on their not-so-secret headquarters happened there in the first season, which I just watched. The Del Floria entrance didn’t seem to be for the drones (or Mr. Waverly) but for actual enforcement agents.
Actually, sounds like The Kingsmen’, which I really liked.
Sorry, it’s called Kingsmen: The Secret Service. My bad.
Thats the one I was thinking of, in my comment above, thanks. Albeit that the film was clearly influenced by the original Man from U.N.C.L.E..
You sure that was a kids movie? What with the killing, blood, exploding heads, and anal sex?
You are an old dude, I am guessing, right? Kinda lost touch with what kids are into nowadays.
Not that I can recall any anal sex mind. Are you sure you watched the same movie as me?
You may be mixing it up with the one about seven dwarf tailors, and their pornographic adventures with Little Red Riding Hood, Cinderella and Snow White.
Closing scene of the movie.
“You may be mixing it up with the one about seven dwarf tailors, and their pornographic adventures with Little Red Riding Hood, Cinderella and Snow White.”
You joke, but one of the side-books to “Fables” (1001 Nights of Snowfall I think? It’s the one where Snow White plays a Sherherazade type role) revealed that the Seven Dwarves in Snow White’s famous story had been rapists holding her captive, and features Snow White telling the story (without explicitly telling her listener she was the woman in it though it’s obvious to the reader) as a revenge plot; after she became wedded to Prince Charming, she learned fencing entirely to slaughter the bastards one by one in secret, and nearly started a war with the dwarves as a consequence.
Fables was not a kid’s comic, despite being based on fairy tales, suffice to say.
(Though their versions of Cinderella and Snow White are probably my favorites out of any “twist on a tale” style story; complex, imperfect, messy people. Cinderella in particular – rather notable for this I guess in the context of the discussion being on this comic’s comments of all things – is Fabletown’s go-to field agent, engaging in spywork to the extent her two side-books are named things like “From Fabletown With Love” and other puns on James Bond novels/movies. Snow White is…basically just badass. So is her sister Rose Red. Actually MOST of the women are badass, it’s pretty notable for that.)
Oh and sidebar: Uh, yeah, no “Kingsmen” was DEFINITELY not a kid’s movie, it was at minimum PG-13, because it did include sexual references and a touch of nudity at the end…and that’s not considering that the plot included technology that literally made people’s heads explode, among other highly violent and occasionally gory things. It’s by far not the worst offender in such content (I mean, anything by Tarantino blows it out of the water any day of the week on that) but its’ still there.
You may remember it incorrectly as such though because it was fun as heck, with lots of comedic scenes and over the top bits. Which was kind of the point; it was meant to be Fun.
Oh and fun fact: it’s getting a sequel! Which I am very excited for.
I like Sapkowski’s take on Snow White in one of his Witcher novels. She basically is a villain (but not really, it’s a story in shades of grey). I really recommend it.
Just a note for those reading: Snow White from “Snow White & Rose Red” is not the same Snow White who had an evil stepmother and seven horny house guests (just one cantankerous dwarf {is there any other kind?} and randy bear)
My favorite retelling of the Snow White story is “Snow, glass, apples” by Neil Gaiman.
It’s a short story included in his Smoke and Mirrors collection.
My favourite is “Red as Blood” from the collection of the same title by the late Tanith Lee.
Back in the ’60s, didn’t Marvel publish at least one story in which they used that same idea for an entrance into SHIELD’s base in NYC?
As far as I know, the secret entrance to S.H.I.E.L.D. Headquarters has always been a barber shop.
Of course, I haven’t read any of those comics since I was a kid, so I’m sure things have changed a bit.
WRONG LEVeeeeeeeeeeeeeer!
Name that movie.
The Emperor’s New Groove?
“Why do we even HAVE that lever?”
In the newer comics the “Headquarters” of SHEILD is a flying air field called the “Helicarrier”. Its basically a flying Carrier ship the USA built during the Cold War with 4 huge helicopter propellers. Being so conspicuous the darn thing gets shot down every other Thursday.
That’s because they are comic-book stupid. Carriers are never intended to operate without their fleet of escorts. And that is quite in addition to the aircraft they, um, carry.
It is a sphincter puckering event that even sees them enter a “smaller” body of water where they might be subjected to land based attacks.
Since the SHIELD Helicarrier flys around all by itself (with of course its compliment of aircraft), and quite often over land, it’s no wonder it is shot down so frequently.
Seriously, the sailors on the Big Deck ships refer to their escort ships as “Self-Mobile Missile Screen.” It is a lot better to loose a destroyer or a cruiser than it is a carrier. I’m sure glad my tin can was never part of a carrier group.
Well with the AWACS, CAP, and all the other escort ships including dedicated aegis roles, a destroyer is probably a lot safer in a carrier group than in the usual group of three. How was your ship deployed and for what kind of roles?
Love the Spies Like Us line. Great movie.
“Please Enter”
On a creepy door, in the middle of nowhere? Hell no.
“Free Candy!”
Yep, that’s not creepy at all…
Now that there could be a pokemon there, they just might
No Wi Fi stops that. But, just in case they might want to try anyhow, just put a a decoy in sight, some distance away.
Uhh… “rabid bees”? As I understand it (somebody with medical and/or entomological training correct me if I’m wrong), arthropods can’t contract rabies. I suppose it’s possible they could be carriers without being affected by the disease, but I understood that it specifically targets mammalian blood characteristics.
It’s true, but they might be GMO bees specificly designed to be carriers of the virus.
No idea why that would be helpfull, but…
Well people bred killer bees, why not ray-bees?
You are a terrible person AND I LOVE IT
I think the X-files did not. Except instead of rabies, it was some flavor of the alien virus.
They are bees with frikin laser beams on their heads, making them ray-bees.
*sprays a can of Buzz-Off®, to get rid of your hum-ily*
Fortunately I wear Ray-Bans, making me immune to freaking lasers.
Snakes people think they can avoid- try “Danger- Grizzly-bear den.” on the other hand… nobody wants to try to sneak around a grizzly.
Bears are the reason why, if I ever moved to Alaska, I would make sure my new house had an indoor toilet. If I have to carry a shotgun with me to the outhouse to go take a dump, I am way too far away from civilization…
There are places further from civilisation, but you sure do not want to go there.
Places that cannot access Grrl Power!
The horror!
How about “Keep Out”? I mean, it’d keep me out. Every time I see a hyperlink in the Internet with a warning not to click it, I don’t. I mean, it’s not exactly rocket science, is it?
The world has a large proportion of people who are considerably less than rocket scientists.
Or “Private Property.” Or “No Trespassing.” Maybe I’m just not curious or adventurous or nosy enough, but all of those would keep me from bothering with it.
Well, there is a sign with 100% successrate against wild urinating on rest stops.
“Beware: Snakes”
I remember one trip into the countryside many years ago, with either school or scouts, during which several of the other males present urinated into a hedge and then discovered simultaneously — to their discomfort — that there was an electrified wire running through its base….
Now that’s a true Ren & Stimpy moment!
“Let me tell you about my kids”
As George Carlin had pointed out, think about the average level of stupidity that you run across in your own day-to-day life…Then remember that about half the population is, by definition, even more stupid than that.
AAHH!!! *skitters away*
Scary door…. SCARY DOOOOOR!!
(THERE’S NO WI-FI IN THAR DON MAKE ME GOOO)
Employee Rest Room With a daily cleaning check sign-off list, but the last three days have not been initialed…
i have a “cat danger” sign except it’s literal…i have a really big cat that likes to attack unknown people
I would go with the truth:
__________
Look. Don’t go in here unless you’re supposed to, or you’ll be sorry.
Fair warning.
__________
I have a sign on my bedroom that says “WARNING: I DO DUMB THINGS”. Considering the rather extensive collection of Things With Which One May Inflict Stabby Pain spread across my room(no joke, I woke up one morning literally cuddling a pirate cutlass on my bed, blade pressed to my throat, no idea when or how I grabbed it), and it becomes a serious warning to those who know me not to trespass.
.
.
.
.
….and a glowing neon sign to my nephews to “infiltrate at all costs when Uncle is away!”
I bet your nephews can give you a pretty decent inventory of what’s in your room…
They haven’t succeeded yet. Not for lack of trying, mind you.
“Vogon poetry slam”
This isn’t Digimon, Sidney.
But, considering her Pepper Breath, I think she can be excused for thinking otherwise.
Damn good glasses to hold up under Sydney’s nigh-constant abuse.
Must be why she bought those.
Chess? I thought they were going to be playing checkers?
Anyway, clearly my guess about what was happening here was completely wrong. This is normal, however. Kudos to all of you who guessed they were guarding a door like in Men In Black.
I’m reminded of the signs in the film “The Thief and the Cobbler”. And the thing the thief says: “There should be a sign ‘BEWARE OF SIGNS’.”
As a joke, I know of a place that put in a low hanging sign with the warning:
CAUTION
low Hanging Sign
If Archon wants to make a few bucks, they need to put a sign on their front door saying:
‘Warning, There is a $500 fine for reading this sign’
There is a £500 charge for reading this comment.
No counter-charges will be considered valid.
Yorpie Snax™, to an equivalent value, may be substituted.
I think the best sign would be “Jehova’s witness annual convention in progress, please don’t disturb unless you have an appointment”
Careful, already warned someone about that
LOL. I think “CERTAIN DEATH” would have discouraged me. The “RABID BEES” has a classy … overkill to it though.
Reminds me of this sign:
https://farm1.static.flickr.com/1/1118807_a751d65ba5_m.jpg
I swear I was thinking ‘raw sewage’ even before I finished the last paragraph. I’d add maybe a ‘Report any leaks to the Newark Department of Sanitation Hotline at 973-555-DREK, in accordance with NJ Statute 5554-3222-v1-16(b)” and have the number actually pick up at whoever’s monitoring that facility. Oh, and make the sign old. And rusty. And maybe make the surroundings also look a little rusty and tetanus-loving.
Might I suggest one addition?
“Warning: PRESSURIZED Raw Sewage”.
That one might work. It would definitely discourage any submariners who have ever heard the horror story of U-1206, or has made the mistake of flushing the toilet on some classes of submarine (e.g. the Los Angeles-class attack sub) while the sanitary tanks are being pressurized.
You see, “Sanitary Tanks” inside the pressure hull hold the waste water from toilets, showers, etc. Submarines can empty some of the sanitary tanks by pressurizing them and discharging them overboard. When the tanks are pressurized, no one should use them since they have a huge opening directly into the sanitary system. If you make the mistake of flushing while the tanks are pressurized, you’ll be wearing the contents of whatever was in the toilet as well as a lot of whatever was in the sanitary tank. (Newer models of submarine have a “lockout” so you can still flush; it goes into a temporary holding tank, THEN into the sanitary tank once it’s depressurized.)
And U-1206… well, instead of typing a big wall-of-text, here’s a link so you can read about it for yourself. The TL;DR version is that a high-tech toilet (in World War 2) essentially destroyed the sub by forcing it to surface.
Here’s the link:
https://warisboring.com/the-high-tech-toilet-that-destroyed-a-submarine-bed16ed1fa71#.wn8ytlfpw
Looks like Sydney has A LOT to learn about Archon…!
…And very little time to do it in!!!
She’s beginning to learn the hazards of knowing FNORD.
…And knowing is half the battle…
best thing to put out on the sign:
Exit only!
Storage!(need to look wornout to to work)
This way please!
Clean your shoes before entering!
Pumping station 1534234!( or any other number)
Exit only is a challenge, not a detterant.
Personally, the sign I’d put up would just be something to make it seem boring. Maybe at most “Danger: High Voltage.”
Danger: High Voltage, enjoy :p
You put something normal on the door so no one cares like “Power Substation #13” and under that “Danger High Voltage”. See easy
Just see the annual worldwide fatalities, from kids entering such areas, to see how little use that one is. All that sign does is provoke “go on, I dare you”.
Yeah…The Darwin Awards cite a large numbers of examples.
and the “Wow, we can really get rich from the copper scrap in here” crowd, too.
Minefield
Firing Range
Radioactive Fallout
Trespassers Will Be Shot on Sight
Frequent Rockslides
Lions, Tigers, and Bears
Shark-Infested Waters
Mosquitos Bear Fatal Diseases
Poison Ivy Farm
Rabid clown containment facility. Beware the radioactive giant tarantulas.*
* Guaranteed not to provide super-powers.
And the corollary:
Survivors Will Be Shot Again.
For at least some people, that would work. Most people with Coulrophobia, for sure, would stay well away.
Warning! Fatal contact poison on all surfaces. (written in Braille)
ROFL.
Warning! Reading this is fatal.
One of my all time favorite signs:
“Yup.”
“I prepared Explosive Runes.”
Wasp Enraging and Enlarging Facility ;)
Face Plant!
’cause, ya know, tree…
Yeah, I’ll show myself out…
“Please stay away. And stop taking our warning signs.”
“If you enter, [your name], you will die a slow, horrible and painful death.”
* Your actual name, not the words “your name”. Each reader sees their own name, regardless of how many may be present. And, no, the footnote is not part of the sign! Damn all pedantic commentators, for ruining punchy jokes! :-D
…Obviously, that sign is a piece of knock-off technology based on Dr. Who’s psychic paper…
;)
If you ask me? A good sign would be “Tresspassers will be fined”
If there’s one thing that humans hate parting with, it’s material possessions.
“Trespassers will be fried”
That will cover many of the non-humans too. If you also want to keep out Heatwave, just add “Beware of the Voices within”.
“Trespassers will be fired”
[small print] out of a cannon[/small print].
That one’s too interesting to pass up.
Why not have both?
https://twitter.com/Renzo_Soprano/status/752756661622808576
“Trespassers will be found… eventually, well, most of their parts anyway”
I dunno man… any sign that says “No WiFi” turns me away pretty damn fast.
I also feel bad for Halo’s glasses. Unless she has flexible frames like I do, she probably breaks a new pair before she gets home from buying them.
I used to like places that offered free WiFi.
But now you have to give them all of your personal details for a login, not that I ever tell them the truth. I only want a look online for 5 minutes and spent all of them filling in forms.